Oh, really.

I have this variant of the 'I'm not a feminist but...' comment. It goes, 'I love Penny Arcade, but...' and it's because of strips like this. Actually, it could be extended to 'I'm a geek, but...', 'cause the standard geek reaction to criticism like this is to tell feminist geeks to get over themselves, and basically stop getting the icky girl stuff on other people's fandom.

Heads up, dudes - feminist geeks call you out on this shit for one very simple reason: not funny. Rape is not funny. Racism is not funny. Slavery is not funny. It is not funny, for several well-fucking-recognised psychological reasons to joke about things which cause actual harm to actual people, even if your platform is not real. Because one of those things that we've found out about the intersection of a culture of violence and humour is that it has very real consequences.

If your answer to this is '...but, that's not what people mean when...', then go learn some shit about psychological conditioning.

Rambling of the Sleepless (Part 2: Belonging)

So I'd been hoping to spare you all a second horrific blog entry, but insomnia it seems, has rallied against me. Perhaps I should amend that, because it's not so much insomnia tonight as it is the fact that I was murderously hungover all of yesterday and thus lolled around in bed until around 4pm and am now, as a result of that an the thought-encouraging events of the day, unable to sleep. I'm prepped for sleep, in my comfy pjs, logged into Second Life in our beautiful Clan gardens, my delightful SL partner snoring away in my ear (with my mic muted, and headphones volume down), and yet somehow...sleep has decided to vacate the building. There was a patch there, around 1am where it had seemed inevitable, to doze off and fall asleep, but that seems to have failed. Surprise anyone? In favour of thought, sleep has gone hiking.

I'm interested in the way my brain choses things to think about. Tonight aside, it tends to drift back and forth between things, touching on one thing before fading to the next. Sometimes they're totally unassociated ideas, sometimes they're linked. I imagine there's some sort of pattern of stimuli that encourages each thought to take its place. Wonder what that pattern would look like. Probably squiggly and incomprehensible to anyone except neurologists who have also made a thorough study of psychology and philosophy. What kind of degree would you call that anyways? Doctorate of Uber Brainnessity!

Okay, V, you're being silly now. Seriously. 

Tonight's brain game is circulating the concept of 'belonging'.

belong

mid-14c., "to go along with, relate to," from be- intensive prefix, + O.E. langian "pertain to, to go along with." Sense of "to be the property of" first recorded late 14c. Related to M.Du. belanghen, Du. belangen, Ger. belangen. Replaced earlier O.E. gelang, with completive prefix ge-.

I said somewhere in a tweet once that I thought it would be grand to have some sort of sense of patriotism towards one's land of birth, albeit simply out of some sort of sense of 'This is where I belong''.I meant that in earnest, it is nice, for anyone, to have a sense being a part of something else. You see it all the time in religion, with patriotism, clubs, families, even genders - I remember in primary school, we had a 'girls team' that had 'fights' with the 'boys team' during lunch time, and I'm pretty sure that wasn't just an isolated scenario. 

What strikes me as interesting is that we seek to belong to things, even if its only a sense of belonging in our own minds. It's like acceptance, only more fundamental, and can obviously be very individual. Let me rephrase that thought: a person wants others to accept them, but a person wants to belong to something/someone. The former is extroverted, while the latter far more self reflective. Make any sense?

What I find interesting from my etymological quote thingy from up there is the 'Related to...' bit. In Dutch, the word 'belangen', is best translated to 'longing' or, less strongly, 'to desire for something'. That in itself I think enhances an understanding of the connotational meaning behind 'belong', incorporating some sort of psychological meaning in the word derived from its origins.

And...things...

Okay, V, admit it, you've lost your train of thought.

I suppose it comes down to the fact that humans are social creatures by nature, we like company, I suppose you could go so far as to say that we even need it. Even the most anti-social of us - and yes, I have bouts of sever anti-social behaviour, I know - need company every now and then, even if it's just a single person we can shout at for a while. Maybe it gives us the sense of belonging that we need? I have no idea, and maybe I'm completely off the mark, I'm not a good student of people, who continually surprise me, one way or the other, much in the same way that I'm continually surprised what people can weather, emotionally and physically, and come out on top of. People are weird, but they're also kind of neat. 

So if we're all striving to 'belong' to whatever or however or whoever, where does that leave those of us who are still in the drifting stages of our lives? Are we suppose to keep drifting until we hit something we fancy, or are we suppose to already have worked that part out, or maybe we just belong to the group of drifty people, all equally lost, some comfortable some not.

This is making my brain spin. I think I'd better leave it at that before I become more babbly and less thinky.

ClearSkies~V

Silver Linings

You ever get that feeling? You know, the one that makes you think you've hit the biggest obstacle in your life and you've got no inkling on how to tackle it? It's a lot like despair, if you had to give it a name. The deep, cold, dark despair that sucker punches you in the stomach with just thatuch extra oomph right after the silent numbness of shock has vacated your nervous system. All you can think is "Let it be before, take back this knowledge, this experience; let it be when everything was right".

We've all faced this, in some form or another, let's be honest, and if you haven't, you're either living lucky, not doing something right, or you've got it coming at you with extra extra oomph. It's the heartbreak of a breakup, the diagnosis of a incurable illness, the F you got on your math test, or the car accident you shouldn't have had. It's the decisions you've made, the path you've ended up on, by whatever means, fair or foul: if you're human, probably a bit of both. Whether it's a small thing or something that literally hold lives in the balance, the emotion is still there and one thing is universally true, irregardless of faith, ideology, class, or race: IT F***ING SUCKS. I totally dare anyone to disagree with me.

The question that really makes the difference though, is what you're going to do next. Sure, your gut's wrenched, eyes cried out of your skull, you've eaten a tub full of ice cream, ranted at someone, possibly written a really long letter (or hell, a blog entry maybe), set fire to photos, had a few too many drinks, etc. so forth and so on... That's great. Now what? In case  you hadn't noticed, that feeling is still there, and it's not going to go away on a hurry. You can't fix it by staying in the moment, can you? Or looking back longingly at yesterday thinking "Damn, they was an awesome day, I cans has plez?". It just won't fix that way. So what can you do? Look forward, when you can bare it, look ahead; think things through. Even the most horrid things give way somewhere; always a silver lining, if you choose to search for the right angle.

Optimism is rare enough to find in this world, but it's there alright, tucked away between cynicism and self-preservation. Sure, that thought killing pain won't go away, not right away, but it does help to remember that while time may not heal all wounds, if you'll let it, it will give you respite in form of a lighter perspective.

Just some thoughts from your friendly (sleepless) optimist.

ClearSkies~V    

Ah...Valentine's Day.

So. Happy Valentine's Day everyone! I hope you're all snug 'n things with your partner of choice, be they male, female, virtual, furry, fluffy, blown up, near or far, a book, a cat, a dog, or a box of tissues and chocolates (or as it is in my case, a large bottle of vodka, a bottle of cranberry juice, and my computer).

I've been meaning to talk about this for a long time, but for some reason it just seemed silly and somewhat stupid to talk about that crazy lil thing called 'love' when, firstly, I don't claim to know a thing about it other than what goes on in my brain, and secondly, I figure it's different in all books. And then, hey, check out the date! Perfect excuse right? But before we begin, let me set the rules: I will not cry, I will not rant (much), I will attempt to be objective and general, and I will attempt to use as little profanity as I can. Provided you lot don't laugh or roll your eyes or cry, rant, rave, or judge. Also: I'm not the expert! I'm just being opinionated 'n stuff 'n things, so no one kill me. All happy? Awesome, let's rock...

I keep seeing people stuck in relationships they shouldn't be in, either at all or anymore, take your pick. I know people who shouldn't still be together, except somewhere down the line in the turns and twists of their relationship they forgot that they were allowed to choose their own way, and now they're stuck together for the rest of their lives (granted, at 70, I suppose you really have to want to get out). Humans are creatures of habits, we like things we know, we're scared of things we don't. So few of us take risks anymore, and those of us who do tend to be looked upon as 'crazy idiots who really should settle down'. The thing is, habits and patterns are all well and good, if they're good patterns and habits. If you're in a relationship right now where you respect and love your partner and get that respect and love back, where you're communication is brilliant and everything is shiny 'n happy etc etc etc, then by all means, stay in that pattern and that habit. People who end up sticking it out in relationships where the spark has flown, either need to rekindle (and no I don't know how, I'm just half ranting thoughts here) or need to break the cycle and move on. The trouble is, they don't, because they're in a pattern where they know the ins and outs, where they know the rules and they know how the game is played - even if they don't like that game.

Of course, it's easy for me to say all of that. They're only words for me, for people in the situation, they have to be actions and that's always harder than words.

I've always viewed Valentine's Day as a little bit of a 'silly' holiday, carrying the same weight like 'Teacher's Day' - that came out a little bitter, but the metaphor stands: Teacher's Day is great for people involved in it, bringing apples to the teacher or whatever the traditions are these days (did that make me sound old?). The same goes for good ole V-day: if you're in love, and you're with someone, YAYY!!! If you're not in love and (I suppose therefore) not with someone, then YAYY!! Just another day!! If you're in love but not with someone, then you're just f***ed, cept not literally, which would be part of the problem maybe. (Okay that was bad. Sorry, couldn't help it. BAD V! *finds L and gets  a slap on the wrist*).

(Side question...is quarter to 4 in the afternoon too early to start drinking?)

Of course, you could argue that Valentine's Day is primarily driven by the deliciously capitalist chocolate fabrication businesses, I mean this is their jackpot day right? Forget Halloween, forget Easter (though I would really like another chocolate orange, kthnxbai), and forget Christmas, Valentine's Day is where they really hit the spot. Why? Because people forget about it if they're not 'in the loop', and so they look at the calander and go 'Oh shit, Valentine's Day...should do something in case s/he thinks I forgot and don't love her/him! Where's the nearest chocolate store?'. Okay, so maybe that's a little cynical (*cough*unhealthycynicism*cough*)...and maybe I'm spending too much time thinking about it, but it is V-day...that kind of gives me perogative to think about it right?

Anyways, I hope I didn't spoil anyone's chocolate kisses, and those of you celebrating, celebrate away (safely, please, the world is already overpopulated, we'd like to avoid more accidents in the back of the car, kthnx). And those of you who can't wait to move onto the next chocolate season where you don't have to think about not being someone, it's okay, Easter's just around the corner and we can all celebrate Zombie-Jesus Day with extra chocolatey oranges 'n bunnies, if that's your thing.

Clear Skies~V

Combatting Boredom with Procastination

Okay so this is not what I should be doing. In fact, I should not be on the Internet at all, or singing along to Queen or Aerosmith, or looking anywhere other than the Word document that is meant to be the current focal point of my life. After all the Talking Teacher already seems to have taken it personally that I haven't rocked up to any of his classes - what makes him so special anyways? The Awesome Teachers haven't taken it personally that I haven't rocked up to either of their classes for the last couple of weeksl; doesn't mean I haven't been following the stuff via the online notes or, when being completely lost, asking for help - so doing his assignments may or may not be a waste of time. Still, if I can finish them all by tomorrow or, at the end of all things, by Friday, and turn them in one big wallop he might be appeased and not fail me outright like he says he might. Not to propogate the ranting but it's not like I needed to be in his class every time in order to understand what it is he's teaching. It's not that hard, people! Information systems have to adapt and change depending on the contextual technological evolution as well as the changing demands of the people who use it. What's the big fuss? Do I really need to have been there for all 2 hours every week for the past 15 weeks in order to get that? Um...lemme think about that? Probably not. That is not to say that I disliked the class; quite to the contrary, the teaching methods were very interesting (no, not being sarcasm) and I have the utmost respect for the Talking Teacher. Mostly. Let's just say I'm a little disappointed that he thinks I dislike coming to class.


Aaaanyways, the point of this entry was not to bitch. It was to get my head around what I'm meant to be writing down. Consider it a means of communicating the concepts to myself and to you at the same time. Multitasking has always been a skill I think should be encouraged in all walks of life...okay, so maybe that's a load of BS, but I'm sure it might be true in some circles, I'll get back to you about which ones. Give me a break, I've had very little proper sleep over the past week because of all of this, I'm allowed to be a little bit silly.

The point of this entry is that boring assignments automatically switch on my 'how to procrastinate today' gear. It says a lot that I've managed to sleep away most of today (on accounts of the whole lack of sleep thing for the past couple of weeks, not because I did it deliberately). I was going to go in today and finish my Cataloguing assignments, but those are going to have to wait until tomorrow. Tonight's aim is to finish TT's assignments, as many as I can anyways. You can see my predicament. I should be listening to William Joseph's piano instead of the random playlist I just spent the last half hour fixing. I should be reading the material provided instead of blogging. I should have finished all of this yesterday instead of giving in and sleeping. I should be doing a lot of things other than what I'm doing right now, but being held hostage to those things that I should be doing? Not entirely my style. The effort bug will kick in soon, and then we'll get work done. I always did say I got my best work done after 11pm anyways. That gives me what? Two hours to warm up?

Clear Skies~V

Pointless...REALLY

HTML is fun right? Actually it is, which is why I had a test this week on it, and why I spent all of my Tuesday night and Wednesday last week working on that project. To be completely honest, I overdid it, once I'd worked out how to get framesets into the code and how to make it function in congruence (sp?) with the CSS it was far too much fun to NOT use it, even though it wasn't a requisite for the grade. Oh well, what're you gonna do? Turn a project into something fun and hopefully usable or just do what's required and learn only the basics? I know, I know, you don't need to know how to do framesets to figure out what might be wrong with the basic HTML of a page...but still >.>

I know there was a greater purpose to this entry, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was. Something about space monkeys I'm sure, or maybe it was unicorns. No...don't think it was either of those. Granted I don't think singing along with ACDC's Back in Black is helping any. Good song. Also doesn't help when the playlist switches over into Renegade by Styx just as I finish typing that. So, my playlist is a little interesting, there's a bit of ACDC, Styx, Bad Company, the Eagles, Phoenix Effect, Poets of the Fall, and, of all things, Joan Baez. I guess I had to throw in someone with a female voice to offset the overdose of maleness. It's an interesting combination to say the least, and kind of amusing, especially since the Eagles' music varies so greatly, depending on the time in which it was written. Not the style necessarily, but the expressiveness.

Now...what was the point of this entry again? You know what, stuff it, I don't remember. I know there was a greater purpose but it's completely flown my mind. Probably wasn't anything important, can't think of why I'd want to rant against whaling, or environmental degredation, or anything like that, I mean, those aren't important topics are they? Like AIDs in Africa, or AIDs around the world, that's not important either, not compared to the capitalist to spend money and create movies like Transformers (hilarious to watch, but c'mon how much money was poured into that that might've been spent somewhere else?). Just think about what the amount of money poured into the movie business could do if it was applied to say, medicine in 3rd world countries? Or applied to the further research for a cure for AIDs? Protecting the world's natural resources? Funding research into the generation of renewable, clean, and safe fuels? It's about responsible spending on a political and international and insert-sphere-here scale.

So no, no point to this post whatsoever. Bite me.

Clear Skies~V

Why don't they teach this in schools?

I get so excited when I find something that says exactly what I want to say, but have so far been unable to effectively articulate. Woo, procrastination really can be productive!

Advertising: Made of Fail

Some excerpts from the booklet promoting events at Floriade (local flower festival thingy) and my reactions to them:

'Catch the fallen angels in action as these mischievous chareacters try to regain their lost place in Nirvana. Their absurd attempts are beautifully innocent and tragically funny.'

...maybe it's just me, but 'fallen angel' isn't a phrase that conjures images of beautifully innocent, mischievous characters... it's more a bloody great pissed off being riding a wave of (un)righteous fury who will rip your face off with a SWORD. Bring a picnic basket, the kids'll love the show!

'Imagine peeling off your skin to reveal the body's inner workings individually walking, dancing and interacting with each other. Be delighted in the workings of your own body in all its marvellous splendour.'

- Aside from the grammatical issues that wonderful snippet subjects us to, what the hell? I dunno 'bout you, but I can't say I'm up for a day out at the gardens, a peek at some tulips and HAVING MY SKIN PEELED OFF so my heart can ask my liver to dance.

I'm also not enticed by the prospect of joining Cessil and Sandy Pitt for an event bringing together comedy acrobatics, juggling, contortion and a reminder of the benefits of marrying strangers OR going in search of love with Shirlee Sunflower. Sorry. And I have to say that I'm finding the suggestion of a full sensory experience involving dinosaur puppets a little terrifying. I haven't even managed to read the blurb for the kung fu classes; I'm stuck giggling about the title, Kung Fu with Dr. Wilson Lo of Moon Bear Kung Fu. I don't even want to google 'moon bear Kung Fu', because I'm sure the payoff wouldn't be anywhere near as fun as what my imagination's coming up with.

What really frustrates me about the whole thing is that somehow, the major piece of information-delivery advertising about a fairly large event in the nation's capital, something which is supposed to attract tourists and what have you, is such an absolute failure at actually telling me what the hell is going on at this thing. I mean, I've been to this event every year since 2004, I get the basics - beds of tulips making pictures, that sort of thing - and I can't tell what half of the 'major attractions' of this year's show actually ARE.

'Take a break and experience a mind, body, soul experience at the brand new Lotus Lounge which combines the serenity of natural therapies such as Reiki, massage and luxurious hand treatments with the brilliance of colourful garden beds in full bloom.'

Well that's great, but what I really want to know is whether there's a place where I can sit down and buy a cup of tea without being pontificated at about the oneness of being, or how homeopathy will solve all my problems. I mean, did anyone with basic literacy skills think to do a proof-read of this thing before it went to print and found its way to my mailbox?

WTF?

There are days when the news makes me very, very angry.

This doesn't count as news, but does count as a major WTF -

http://blogs.theage.com.au/executive-style/allmenareliars/2009/08/28/whyhebrokeup.html

Because it's FAR too much to just expect people to treat each other like... people?

There's a forum I frequent (don't shoot me yet), which, while awesome, frequently puzzles me. Well, to be more accurate, some of its users puzzle me. Exceedingly. The population of this forum is (in my opinion) a little unusual; certainly the general user seems to be both more intelligent and a helluva lot less disrespectful than many net users, streets away from the average troll. So the 'serious discussions' board is both free from idiotic spam and actually a place where thoughtful contributions are made on a range of topics. Yours truly generally feels a lot less cynical after a visit.

So I was a little surprised to find out that the three basic dietary options are vegetarian, vegan, and macrobiotic.

Now, I'm well aware that a person's upbrining and general experience colours the way they see the world and defines which part of the landscape is 'normal'. No problems there. My personal normal doesn't correspond particularly closely with that of my partner in crime, nor do I require it to. It's a wonderful, diverse world, don'tchathink?

Coming (slowly) to the point; recently I participated in a conversation on the abovementioned forum on the topic of vegetarianism. For the record, my position on the subject is pretty much that as long as people aren't evangelical about it, I don't give a rats what they eat, or why they eat it. Evangelism shits me. Aaanyway, an individual whose thoughful, amusing, gracefully worded posts had previously impressed me, kindof left me cold. I'm still trying to work out whether they're actually so convinced of the Normality of their upbringing/community/self-definition/whatever that they're actually incapable of acknowledging that other people have different experiences, or if they're actually aiming for the sneer in the tone when they say things like "I don't know anyone who doesn't always have basics like tahini and bulgur on hand," or "I'm sure I know people who eat meat, I just can't think of more than a couple off the top of my head." Another corker was the profession that the basic school food choices, in their experience, are vegan, vegetarian and macrobiotic. Please, allow me to re-assess my lifestyle choices in the face of your clear and evident superiority. I just didn't know!

My little ponies, moving with the times?

STOP. WHATEVER. YOU. ARE. DOING.

And look at this: My Little Pony, on the interwebs!

I'm guessing that the majority of you will have come across those advertisements for 'online games free to play!' somewhere. I'll admit to having playing Adventure Quest when it was a fairly new thing, and this was before Guild Wars so I think it was legitimate. I've dabbled in those 'create your own nation' games like NationStates, even played Bitefight one Christmas when I had some extra time on my hands (prior to Second Life I must add). I can't say that they're all great fun, but they all share one very common thing: they're all very good at taking up spare time that could be put to better use such as writing that essay that's due tomorrow, or the dishes that have been inhabiting the sink for the last 12 hours. Some of them are even entertaining, even thought provoking if you play it right. But er...why would you want to collect and breed up to 75 ponies?

The main page lets you select the colors and breeds of your parent ponies and then cross them to see what kind of a pony you turn up with. For the sake of experimental blogging - and because I'm willing to take one for the team - I've just crossed two ponies and registered. It disturbs me that you can list your birth year as early as 1960...

...but not quite as much as the pony I seem to have generated. Welcome to Dean the pink little love pony. (I couldn't not share the pain, sorry).

I'll let you know how it goes...if it goes anywhere. >.>

But I mean really My Little Ponies on the internet? When did that become right? Okay, let me rephrase that: when did collecting and breeding My little ponies (I don't care what they're really called) become right?!

I feel like my childhood has slipped away in the cold, harsh pull of the commercial undertoe. Goodbye cruel world.

Clear Skies~V

Argh...

Today's rant comes to you thanks to this typically stellar piece of 'reporting' (courtesy of The Age). What a relief to hear! As long as a woman can be designated at least 'moderately' attractive, men will still be willing to have sex with her (oh happy day!) as long as she's easy. All questions of the actual point of the 'study' aside, what the hell? I mean, I know the 'Life & Style' pages are typically full of exactly this kind of shit, and the standards for newspaper's web content aren't exactly high, but whose approval did this piece of tripe need to make it past its embryonic stages?