Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Advertising: Made of Fail

Some excerpts from the booklet promoting events at Floriade (local flower festival thingy) and my reactions to them:

'Catch the fallen angels in action as these mischievous chareacters try to regain their lost place in Nirvana. Their absurd attempts are beautifully innocent and tragically funny.'

...maybe it's just me, but 'fallen angel' isn't a phrase that conjures images of beautifully innocent, mischievous characters... it's more a bloody great pissed off being riding a wave of (un)righteous fury who will rip your face off with a SWORD. Bring a picnic basket, the kids'll love the show!

'Imagine peeling off your skin to reveal the body's inner workings individually walking, dancing and interacting with each other. Be delighted in the workings of your own body in all its marvellous splendour.'

- Aside from the grammatical issues that wonderful snippet subjects us to, what the hell? I dunno 'bout you, but I can't say I'm up for a day out at the gardens, a peek at some tulips and HAVING MY SKIN PEELED OFF so my heart can ask my liver to dance.

I'm also not enticed by the prospect of joining Cessil and Sandy Pitt for an event bringing together comedy acrobatics, juggling, contortion and a reminder of the benefits of marrying strangers OR going in search of love with Shirlee Sunflower. Sorry. And I have to say that I'm finding the suggestion of a full sensory experience involving dinosaur puppets a little terrifying. I haven't even managed to read the blurb for the kung fu classes; I'm stuck giggling about the title, Kung Fu with Dr. Wilson Lo of Moon Bear Kung Fu. I don't even want to google 'moon bear Kung Fu', because I'm sure the payoff wouldn't be anywhere near as fun as what my imagination's coming up with.

What really frustrates me about the whole thing is that somehow, the major piece of information-delivery advertising about a fairly large event in the nation's capital, something which is supposed to attract tourists and what have you, is such an absolute failure at actually telling me what the hell is going on at this thing. I mean, I've been to this event every year since 2004, I get the basics - beds of tulips making pictures, that sort of thing - and I can't tell what half of the 'major attractions' of this year's show actually ARE.

'Take a break and experience a mind, body, soul experience at the brand new Lotus Lounge which combines the serenity of natural therapies such as Reiki, massage and luxurious hand treatments with the brilliance of colourful garden beds in full bloom.'

Well that's great, but what I really want to know is whether there's a place where I can sit down and buy a cup of tea without being pontificated at about the oneness of being, or how homeopathy will solve all my problems. I mean, did anyone with basic literacy skills think to do a proof-read of this thing before it went to print and found its way to my mailbox?

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